Masculine but NOT Macho!

I assume that you all know that guy that is beyond Macho, well I never meant to date him.  Honestly, it is not that I feel intimidated by his perceived good looks or possible high IQ–it is that I need to be more important to him than he is to himself.  I knew from a very young age that the boys that I liked were rough around the edges and preferred that no one was looking at them.  These boys screamed trouble maker with their long hair and pin and ink tattoos.  Lucky for me they were kind and loving for the most part and had no problem with their masculine roles.

Recently I took this online test  just for fun and imagine my surprise at how correct it was.  Sometimes these test feel very random, and it may have been random again–but I certainly dated plenty of guys like “John Bender” from the Breakfast Club.  Is he masculine? macho?


Who Would Have Been Your 80’s Movie High School Boyfriend?

It is not who this guy “John Bender” is when he is a young adult–it is really who he will become.  I am sure my parents wanted me to date “Jake Ryan” from 16 Candles.  “Jake” was certainly on his way to having a real job, but he is too shallow for me and certainly wants people to look at him and notice him.  And the girl on his arm should be just as noticeable.  Enough with the tangent–let’s talk about my reality.

I only dated one guy when I was younger that I would say was macho and definitely a pretty boy–it was three tumultuous years.  I don’t even know how it happened, I guess I was so surprised that he was even interested in me in my overalls and with a tank top underneath and my water-logged Chevy Nova.  I was totally not this guys type.  It was my hardest relationship.

What was wrong with this guy?  He loved himself more than he loved me.

There were warning signs that in my youth meant nothing, but now are as clear as day

–Constant Grooming


–Keeping up Appearances

–Girly Pictures on his bedroom wall

–Explosive Temper

–Possessive over me

My first husband, who was actually the rebound from the “pretty boy” relationship had none of these qualities–therefore in my naïve mind, I found perfection.  In fact, my first husband wasn’t even masculine–I really thought he was bisexual, but gave him the benefit of the doubt and went with effeminate.  He rarely groomed and had a “John Bender” thing going for him, he never cared what anyone thought, he never lost his temper (but cried easily and little ability to handle stress) and he only cared about my happiness.  I learned after ten years together that it is hard to receive love from someone who doesn’t love themselves.

It is a long hard fall from a pedestal.

Thank goodness I made my list of 60 before finding my current husband. (I say current with the assumption that I will out live him and may find myself in a third marriage before I die)  When I met my current husband I was looking for a masculine man who wasn’t going to hurt me, a man who loves himself but loves me more.  Here is a list of some masculine traits that I have compiled from observation and a little research.  

  • Physical Presence and Ability
  • Sexual Identity
  • Considerate and Respectful
  • Smart
  • Confident
  • Responsible
  • Disciplined
  • High Integrity
  • Protective
  • Ambitious
  • Honorable

Would love to have your comments–what traits do you think are masculine but not macho?


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